A Smash Morning
by FyeHalfmoon
Summary: A random morning in the lives of the Smashers. Marth shaves, Link stuffs his face with chili, Snake has his beard, etc., etc. The usual! But then Peach asks for pickles. Why?
1. Chapter 1

**A very random fic, dedicated to my lovely ThePervinErmin, who has already written several stories for me. I had to return the favor!**

**Random fic is random. See if you can guess what food is being made in this fic.**

**Enjoy!**

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_~sometime early in the morning~_

If one stood near enough to a window near the front corner of the east side of the Smash mansion, you could hear silence, for a few minutes.

Soon enough, however, the silence would be interrupted by a yelp, a crash, and a quiet tenor voice exclaiming, _"Shi-!"_

_~at the breakfast table twenty minutes later~_

Link dug into his chili, ignoring the cornbread by his bowl entirely, plus the complaints of other brawlers who were convinced that he was eating it wrong. One of these being Ike.

"Is that how they eat chili in the Kokiri Forest?" he questioned, mildly alarmed at the speed with which the Hylian downed his breakfast.

"Mmo, vhe hadb mnom chili -_gulp-_ back there." Wiping his mouth, he gave Ike a puzzled look. "Why d'ya ask?"

Ike ignored a snickering Roy, and shrugged. "Never mind," he said vaguely. His attention turned to a slightly sour-faced Marth with tousled hair (an extremely unusual occurrence) approaching the breakfast table. "I'm afraid to ask," he said warily when the prince plunked himself and his own food down beside the mercenary.

"Which obviously means you are asking anyway," put in Roy.

Marth gave them the grumpy cat face (mostly just Roy though) and grumbled from behind a stiff jaw, "Overslept, badhairday, cutmyselfshaving. Happynow?" He stared at them while they puzzled out his stiff-jawed speech.

Roy's and Ike's questions overlapped.

"_You _have bad hairdays?"

"You _shave?_"

Marth glared at them. "Yes, and duh." An awkward silence ensued. "I'm a man, you idiot," he added, albeit in a less convincing tone.

To his credit, at least Ike looked a bit embarrassed. "Erm, right, just I don't see a cut," he pointed out, trying to steer the topic in a safer direction.

Marth gaped. "Of course not, you dunderhead. Did you really think I could be so careless with my face?"

That took a moment to sink in.

Ike and Snake (who had been eavesdropping, as was his habit, until now) laughed mirthfully.

"What?" questioned the royal, unruffled.

"You shave under your arms." stated Roy blankly.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

Snake chuckled. "Look, kid. No man who is a man at all shaves even his face," he said impressively. Noticing Ike's sudden glare, he became very interested in his coffee, mumbling something that sounded like "um, um, yes, I do see your point" into the dark inside of his mug.

"Speaking of something wrong," said the redheaded swordsman, tactfully changing the subject, "isn't it odd that Peach is still in the kitchen after breakfast is ready and being eaten?"

Marth shrugged with a _hmm _noise into his food.

"Maybe it has something to do with the vegetables she made me boil for her yesterday," suggested Link. "I don't see them anywhere in the breakfast stuffs. Some carrots, potatoes, eggs, and chicken."

"Really?" Marth looked up. "When I passed by, she was chopping an apple into tiny cubes, and there was mayonnaise by her. Not to mention a can of peas," he added, with some amusement at their expressions.

"And she had me bring her some pickles just now," piped up a passing Pit.

"...pickles?" The swordsmen stared at each other.

~_in the kitchen, five minutes later~_

"Aaahhhh, done at last!" Peach sighed happily, licking her fingers. "Now, to surprise my little brawling family with my amaaaaazing cooking skills," she giggled.

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**Yes, yes, this is a real recipe. A very tasty one you would love if you tried, I swear to goddess!**

**Later I'll add another chapter with the recipe itself, if anyone would like to try it. It's a salad called Olivie (pronounced O-leev-_yeh_), which originated from France, but somehow got to the Russians, who have made it a sort of tradition. Thus, it came to my family, where my mother actually learned a slightly different version than the most commonly used one, and anyone who tries it admits that it is THE BEST. I recently learned the recipe, myself, and am eager to teach the readers who support me to make a great salad!**

**I must say, I really understand Marth in this fic. Cutting yourself shaving under your arm is terrible! Plus, when I'm sleepy, oftentimes my jaw clamps shut tight and I have to talk through my teeth at people, which sounds really silly.**

**And really, does anyone here think Marth doesn't shave there? lol I honestly just can't imagine him with hairy pits. I'm sorry, I just can't!**

**Lastly, anyone who doesn't know the grumpy cat face is a very sad person.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~Fye**


	2. Bonus chapter: Recipe

**Would anyone guess that my favourite part of the original story was Link's "mnom chili"?**

**A big thank you and hug goes to SSBBswords for my looongest review ever! You made me so happy. Soon as I can get around to it I'ma give you a good long answer (because I can't resist). The recipe is included in this chapter for you. I would have just typed up the recipe on its own, but what fun would that be?**

**And thanks to warriorcatgirl375, for making me laugh many more times over Marth's grumpy cat face than I had originally planned.**

**The final biggest hug goes to ThePervinErmin, who giggled in a delightfully creepy manner when she read about Marth's shaving habits.**

**You guys are awesome. You have my love.**

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The brawlers stared nervously at the salad placed before them. Whatever it was smelled quite different from any other they'd tried before, and looked like a strange mixture of tiny many-coloured cubes with white cream (although according to Marth, this was probably the mayonnaise Peach had been using when he'd walked through the kitchen).

"Well?" a breathless Princess Peach asked expectantly. "Aren't you going to try it?"

Marth bit his lip, and glanced sideways at Ike and Roy to gauge their reactions. Unsurprisingly, they were both staring at him. "What?!" He burst out. "Do I _have _to become the guinea pig?"

Ike looked slightly sheepish. "Think of it as more of being a gentleman, maybe?"

("You're already a guinea pig," interjected Roy, earning a glare from said guinea pig.)

Marth's mien betrayed great frustration.

"Don't destroy me, I am not very adventurous when it comes to salads," apologized Ike.

There was a brief silence during which the Altean prince imagined the pleasure of strangling a certain mercenary, after which mental exercise he looked greatly relieved.

"I'll try it first!"

The others turned to look at Pit, who strangely seemed excited at the prospect. He smiled bravely, or so the others thought.

He dug in with a fork unceremoniously.

Other than his chewing noises, there was no sound for ten seconds. Pit blinked.

"What is this? It's really good," his face broke out in a smile.

Peach smiled with relief. "It's an old recipe I found in my mother's journal not too long ago. I thought I'd never get to try it again, but here it is! You really like it?"

Marth took a deep breath. If Pit liked it then it had to be all right. He picked up his fork.

"Seconds, please?" Link held out his empty bowl.

The prince yelped. "Already?!"

"You're _still _hungry?" Ike groaned. "This goes beyond impossible."

~_minutes later~_

"Pencils ready?" Peach glanced over her recipe card at the brawlers who had enjoyed the salad well enough to request the recipe.

Zelda nodded. "Go ahead."

"Okay, then - ingredients:

The first part requires

-Six potatoes

-Three carrots

-Three eggs

-And two hundred grams of chicken breast.

Cook these in a large pot with a steamer at the top; potatoes, carrots, and eggs, all unpeeled go in the bottom; chicken placed in the steamer. Cook over medium-low heat until the chicken is cooked and the vegetables are tender. The time needed is really vague here. Just check up on the ingredients every now and then. This first step is usually done in the evening, so that these ingredients cool overnight. Make sure to drain before going to bed!"

Peach looked up. "Any questions so far?"

"Ooh, me, me," Nana popped up from where she lay curled up against Marth's leg as he took notes. "Why's it need to cool? And what about in summer, when it can spoil in the heat?" Popo nodded in agreement. The heat of summer was something the young ice climbers had had to get used to now that they were in a warmer country with all the other brawlers.

"The salad _must _be cold for it to have the proper taste, texture, everything about it, really," the pink princess clarified. "And just find a cool place to put it, I don't care where."

Marth shook his head at the 'clear' instruction, but jotted it down anyway. "Continue."

"Alrighty then!

In the morning, peel the veggies and eggs,

("I hate the word 'veggies,'" grumbled Fox.

"No one cares," Snake informed him.)

and you don't even need a peeler or knife for this. Just pull off the skins with your fingers! Then, cut all the cooked stuff into cubes about half the length of your fingernail. You can do this by making slices just that thick and then slicing the slices to form little cubes, or use a special chopper, whatever you prefer. Just keep the cubes tiny! Set these aside in a large bowl.

The next set of ingredients needs no cooking, just the same peel-and-chop treatment:

-One large onion, or two small ones

-Two palm-length dill pickles

-One firm ripe apple, preferably yellow

-One can of sweet peas, no salt, and please, Toony, don't ask me how to peel and chop those, because the answer is obvious.

(Here Marth suppressed a chuckle as Toon Link lowered his hand with a disappointed look)

Add these into the bowl and mix everything.

Last is the "flavoring," which must only be done on the day you shall eat whatever portion you are flavoring. The salad can last a few days in the refrigerator without the flavoring, but much less with it.

-Salt and pepper to taste

-Mayonnaise, about a tablespoon to a cup of salad

And it is important to salt and pepper it first, before adding mayonnaise. Also, regulate the mayo to your tastes after trying these basic instructions. See how much you like best.

The salad is complete!" Peach finished with a flourish.

"Oh good," said Link eagerly. "Can I have some more?"

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**Thank you for reading! *bow* I hope you enjoy this salad as much as I do.**


End file.
